Many a time I have asked myself,” Am I unhappy?” A secured marriage, healthy self, great motherhood, financial security, good social network, active involvement in community groups. To sum up, quite a busy life. Apparently, there should not be any reason to feel so.
WHO AM I?
Often this has been a matter of discussion with most of the fellow moms that, if we have an urge of doing something beyond the traditional feminine roles, more precisely motherhood duties, then we need to fight for it. Let me put in a better way, why do we need to struggle for it?; a struggle within ourselves, our family or sometimes even within our social boundaries. A struggle to permit ourselves and to give the time and space to dream or to do something beyond motherhood.
I am sure many stay at home mothers would relate to it that, it is a struggle in our day to day life to do something beyond our womanly duties. Most of us must have had quit their flourishing jobs, career for the sake of kids and family as a whole. We strive hard to combine our desire to be a home maker or a stay at home mother with our personal ambition that we wanted to pursue.
Rewinding my 15 years, I saw myself struggle hard to complete my post graduation in Business Administration along with my marriage, quitting my career, that barely started in a reputed insurance company. Then my first child arrived and added with that a whole lot of duties and responsibilities, along with my studies. I am no different than any other mom; my happiness knew no bounds, my little girl was like the whole world to me. Still, I did not stop dreaming and managed to blend my desire to have a music school of my own with a stay at home mother. Later with shifting our base to a different country and eventually with the arrival of my second girl, I have had to let go of my dreams and desires. At that point of time perhaps it was the right thing to do.
I am thankful and grateful to God for the best gift of my life, “Motherhood”. So far, I would say I have managed to be a great mother, not only in terms of giving them wonderfully cooked meals or a good life but also raising them to become good human beings. I am there when it is necessary to be with them, listen to their whispers even when they are not aware of and respond to it. I am there, witnessing my children growing, their every new little doings, achievements, and milestone.
IS MOTHERHOOD THE END YOUR IDENTITY?
Though I haven’t thought about this earlier, it is utterly true! Becoming a mother changes your identity instantly from that of a complete individual in oneself to another devoid of that independent identification. My life now is intertwined with three people. I have become them, there is little trace of me. You have to accommodate your lifestyle changes, make decisions and plan anything with someone else in mind, and your lifestyle shifts to accommodate this change. Perhaps everything you have managed, the hurdles of your own mindsets and balancing our home to fit into a perfect life. Yet, sometime somewhere I get trapped into the residue of resentment that grows within me. This comes into picture when societal norm suggests that motherhood is a duty we must not gripe about and find unconditional bliss. At this point, for a split second, a feeling that pinches me, ” I am just a mother!”, makes me feel small. Motherhood does not fades away the talent you possess. They are still within you!
It is absolutely not worth worrying about such feelings, as I said, it is just a fleeting thought. Regardless of what society thinks, this mere thought should not be our reason for resentment. A person’s identity should not depend on someone else’s view. The research of many psychologist and sociologists suggest that “People identify themselves by their jobs”. Any unfavorable change in their job ignites a sense of resentment- ” Identity Crisis”.
To people or society, I may now appear as just a mom. But, perhaps they may see me, as an owner of a fitness studio, or winning a Grammy (Lol!! which is never going to happen) in near future. It is never too late to pursue our dreams and desires. We just need to pull out that time to make ourselves happy. When I say making ourselves happy, it doesn’t mean being selfish.
Like they say keeping the balance is everything, in our life too, we need to be prudent in making our choices about what and how much to sacrifice and what and how much to hold onto, makes all the difference in leading a happy and fulfilling life.
It is absolutely okay to love yourself……. I would love to share a lot more about making yourself happy in my next post coming soon, until then stay happy and keep smiling. Let’s connect to each other share your stories, your experiences, I would love to hear from you. Thank you so much for dropping by.